By John BJ Hall
I have come to an important understanding in my life. Let me give the background.
For many years, I suffered from depression and bipolar disorder. There were times when my mind was so dark I could not see the light that was shining around me. I felt that I wouldn’t recognize the light if I ever saw it again. Even though I had been a pastor for over 30 years, I came to a point where I could not pray in public. I could not preach. I could not teach.
Then something happened that changed my life. In May of 2001, I joined a group called Overcomers Outreach. OO is a Christian 12 Step recovery program. At first, I was not able to truly participate; I sat at the back of the room with my hat pulled low and my arms crossed. When it was my turn to read a passage of Scripture, I would wave my hand to pass.
I simply sat there week after week and listened. I didn’t take notes, and I didn’t participate. After about 3 months, I wrote my first note in my Yellow Book (the study guide).
I began reading when it was my turn. But I wouldn’t make any comments. It was a couple of months later that, after I read a passage of scripture, I would make my first comment.
I have recovered from the depths of depression. As I sit here writing this, I have come to realize that when I was in my darkest moments, God was always there. Even when I thought I was far from Him. I was not in the place I needed to be with Him, but when I turned around, He was right there beside me. The Psalmist said it this way, “If I ascend to heaven, Thou art there; If I make my bed in Sheol (hell), behold, Thou art there.” (Psalm 139:8)
Even though I felt far away from God, He is never far from me. He knows when I am in pain, or depressed, or even at death’s door. And He loves me. He holds my hand. He walks with me in the valley of the shadow of death.
I want all who read this to know one thing. It is time for all of us to turn around and look in His loving face. It is time to fall into His loving arms. He will guide you through every struggle.
God never promised to take away your struggles. He promised to walk with you through them and to come out victorious on the other side.
I pray for everyone who reads this that He will guide you to a place where you can see Him. It may take you through the darkest time of your life, but when you finally turn to Him, you will realize that every step has been worth the journey.